[原创]想.月亮

思秋王子

[这个贴子最后由思秋王子在 2005/12/08 12:19pm 第 1 次编辑]

静静的
坐在月光中的稻场上看月亮
又圆又亮
今夜  我什么都不想
只想妳   月亮
妳是位美丽的姑娘
身泛蓝光   和别人不一样
你住在天上
嫦娥生活的地方
望着那遥远的村庄
想起你时我想到月亮
在庄园深处

杨玫

心爱的人，和月亮一样的美丽

涉江采芙蓉

很简洁的诗，结尾一句再斟酌一下？问好王子：）

思秋王子

谢谢诗友"涉江采芙蓉   "指正
小改了一下,不知如何?

沙蓝

还需要继续深入：）

wwwwe22222

静静的
坐在月光中的稻场上看月亮
又圆又亮
很美的月亮 第二段有些直白

小小土拨鼠

比较擅长营造气氛，但是张力不够：）

龙山路

偷一美人,不知是谁的杰作
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思秋王子

谢谢诗友的支持和指正.
我会继续改
继续努力

涉江采芙蓉

思秋不必客气：）
八楼真绝了，呵呵：）