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常见问题回答论坛建设基本法案《诗歌报月刊》在线阅读
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[讨论] 【重拳出击】正方,反方我们来做运动

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发表于 2007-8-13 00:42 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
首先,对好的诗歌作品要充分回帖肯定,其一,俗云文无第一武无第二,诗歌的好,坏都是相对的,并随个人喜好差异很大;其二,过多的赞誉容易导致版面整体品位的下降和会员版主间关系的微妙,也是矛盾和隐患存在的根源,客观公正非常主要。(矛盾啊!)

那么,好的诗歌,优秀的诗歌究竟是什么样的:整体质量,语言优秀?手法优秀?内容优秀?究竟什么样的“优秀”诗歌值得向大家推荐呢?(很难吗?)

挑战者最近的精华作品不多,这不是个好现象,也是不正常的,原因很多。不是我们缺少发现,我相信终日与诗为伍的同志们,眼睛都是雪亮的,可好的作品为什么没能浮出水面?(太复杂。)

【正方出击】现在我们要做的就是:亲爱的们,斑竹,会员,中坚,挑战者;把你网罗到的好诗“挖”出来,加上你简短的“挖掘”(推荐)理由,贴在这里。注意推荐理由要一剑封喉。(不难吧。)

【反方重拳】同时,热诚欢迎对该推荐作品(文本)持反对意见的同志,引用跟贴反驳,允许抬杠,允许争执,允许面红耳赤(就是脸红脖子粗,和耳朵有没有关系,咱先不考虑)。注意反方理由要精辟,一语中地。禁止人身攻击。(参考哦。)

最后,希望每一位斑竹和会员都能参与进来,要保持经常的光临和骚扰,这样才能及时的了解挑战者的动态以及挑战者对你诗歌作品的认知态度,而不要因为你的疏离导致版主和诗友对你的陌生。(常来往。)

正反双方跟贴格式
《——》
文/——
评语:
 楼主| 发表于 2007-8-13 00:49 | 显示全部楼层
看看谁在挑战者挖出第一首好诗,而谁又能第一个来发表不同言论
两个第一每人奖励论坛银子1000,既贴既奖
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发表于 2007-8-13 09:13 | 显示全部楼层
《大海,有一页警句》
文/开心老汉

我惊讶于阳光的潜水术
数亿年之前,他已探访神秘的海沟
遗落一本诗集,在海底闪烁

鱼儿的纪律,从鳃的缝隙爬出
风推云让的美景,飘挂于珊瑚丛里
让世博会的预感,静坐千年

当灰色的欲望,把太阳涂瞎
阳光的声音,误入海螺的弯曲走廊
吹完那一肚皮无奈,天还未亮

海,是一只能保鲜的杯子
胸腺发达,记忆粗狂,勃起频繁
泡了又泡,依然一片绿色鼾声

当乌云在滥交中挣断缆绳
海,翻滚起大饥大饱的金色胃液
消化明天,翻开写下的那一页警句

评语:丰富的想象力鼓足了诗歌的气韵!成熟的语言保证了创造力的成功显露!

[ 本帖最后由 云垂天 于 2007-8-13 08:32 编辑 ]
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发表于 2007-8-13 09:42 | 显示全部楼层
天子兄弟发起了一件许多人都渴望的好事。   "要保持经常的光临和骚扰" , 高论啊!

这样一来,无论对写的人、读的人,都会大有裨益。

谢谢垂天兄弟首先把我的一首推了上去,请大家给我献点爱心,不胜感谢!!!


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发表于 2007-8-13 19:56 | 显示全部楼层
天子此动作好!
其实论坛每天原创发帖无数,还真的有坏诗(不成功的),也真的有好诗.
虽然诗歌报论坛没有官方意味,也不摆权威架子,但它的基本水准有目共睹.
一大批并不计较名利的优秀诗人活跃于此.绝对不缺乏可以称精乃至成为经典的作品.
当然精华作品并不一定要拿经典的条件去要求.
其实很多好作品没有得到及时肯定.
上推老汉一首就是完全可以称精的成功且有示范和讨论价值的好作.

我的意见:就是单看语言给我们读者带来的美感,也属不可多得.天人合一的语言,就在老汉自己也不是想写就可以写出来的.
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发表于 2007-8-13 20:06 | 显示全部楼层
小艾最近转帖英译的两个也非常感染人,养眼.

呼和浩特 翻译作品

呼和浩特

666

满城的灯火从北吹向南
风和风里的恐惧来自北面
北面是阴山,是一把战死的骨头
一张发白的羊皮丢在阴山更北
被重棰轮番击响时那是一面大鼓
把马蹄和冷兵器煽动为恣肆千年的洪水
如今人们称之为草原
冷冷的阳光照在劫后驯服的草上
风起于比草更辛酸更久远的地方
漫过草地和阴山不停地向城里吹来
满城的耳朵向风张开
灯火向南流去


灯火向南流去
可灯火从来没有流过黄河
灯或此前火把下的兄弟是早被遗弃的部落
流放的马群和羊群无言啃雪由来已久
向南面的太阳张望还是向北面的寒风嘶鸣
是一个游疑千年的选择
好在黄河水灾后的红泥地上可以植上红柳
可以建造村庄安置平安的炊烟
可以用马皮换来南方的茶叶和丝绸
噢,细腻而隽永的茶叶,柔软而光滑的丝绸
南方的品质饱含诱惑
灯火一直向茶叶和丝绸所来的南方流去
可从来流不到黄河以南


流不到黄河以南
返不回阴山以北
黄河和阴山之间
是我局促而犹豫不决的呼和浩特


我局促而犹豫不决的呼和浩特
前面被越来越新鲜的阳光照着
背后被越来越深遂的寒风吹着
天空蓝得发青,贫穷而简单
莫测的云阵不时从远方逼近
降下昂贵的雨水,或是寒冷的大雪
满街不耐寒的杨树和同样不耐寒的垂柳
慌乱不止,他们惊魂未定


耐寒的是我的兄弟和他们的女人
模仿着早已失散的羊群,阳光下低头吃草
风雨中或雪地上平静地反刍
不再想向南走过黄河,向北翻过阴山
或向前更接近梦想,向后更守牢传统
只在回民区的清真饭馆里,玉泉区的小巷子里
新城区的写字楼里,托克托和土默特的玉米地里
操持二十一世纪当年当月当天的生活


而新华广场上,奔腾的马群不只是雕塑
半夜总有清醒的蹄声穿过整个城市


Hohhot


lamplights, from north to south, illuminated the whole city.
the wind and the ghosts in it were both from the north.
in the north, was the YINSHAN MOUNTAIN, where the dead soldiers were buried.
and in the north of the MOUNTAIN, was cast a piece of whity sheepskin,
which was a big drum, when beaten continuously with drumsticks,
stirring the horses and the cold weapons up
to be the wild recurrent floods for thousands of years,   
and now people named it the GRASSLAND.
cold sunshines fell on the grasses which became tamed through disasters.
the wind, over the GRASSLAND and the MOUNTAIN, blowing into the city without intermission,
was from the bitterer and older place than the GRASSLAND.
people of the whole city turned their face to the wind,   
and the lamplights flew towards the south.


lamplights flew towards the south,
but never across the YELLOW RIVER.
the lamps or those brothers who held the torches before
were the tribes which had been abandoned already.
wild herds of horse and sheep nibbled at the snow silently for too long.
looking forward to the sun in the south
or roaring at the cold wind from the north?
it was indecisive for thousands of years.
fortunately, they could plant willows, build villages
and rise the restful cooking smoke on the red-mud land
which was caused by the retreated floods of the YELLOW RIVER.
they could exchange the horse skin for the tea and silk from the south.
oh, how delicate and lovely the tea was, how soft and smooth the silk was,
the qualities of the south were so attractive
the lamplights flew straight towards the south where the tea and silk came from
but could not flew to the south of the YELLOW RIVER.


could not flew to the south of the YELLOW RIVER.
could not return to the north of the YINSHAN MOUNTAIN.
within the bounds of the YELLOW RIVER and the YINSHAN MOUNTAIN,
was my cramped and hesitating city of Hohhot.


my cramped and hesitating city of Hohhot,
the forward was in the more and more fresh sunshines,
the backward was under the more and more deep winds.
the blue sky was almost green, so poor and simple.
changeable clouds impended from the faraway now and again,
shedding pricey rains or cold snow.
on the street the frigolabile poplars and willows,
upset and confused, badly frightened


those frigostable were my brothers and their wives,
imitated the herds of sheep which had been lost for too long,
bowing their head, eating the grass and chewing quietly
on the snowground or in stormy weather.
no longer desiring to walk across the YELLOW RIVER
or tramp over the YINSHAN MOUNTAIN,
no longer desiring to move forward to get closer to the dream
or draw back to stick to the tradition tightly.
they just stayed in the Islamic restaurants of the Muslim zones,
in the lanes of the YUQUAN section, in the office buildings of the new city proper  
and in the corn fields of TUOKETUO and TUMOTE,
leading a real and stable life in the 21th century.


but on the XINHUA square, the galloping herds of horse were not just statues,
in the midnight there was always clear hoofbeat going straight through the whole city.

belliwether 翻译


青蝙蝠                     

陈先发


那些年我们在胸口刺青龙,青蝙蝠,没日没夜地
喝酒。到屠宰厂后门的江堤,看醉醺醺的落日。
江水生了锈地浑浊,浩大,震动心灵
夕光一抹,像上了<<锁麟囊>>铿锵的油彩。
去死吧,流水;去死吧,世界整肃的秩序。
我们喝着,闹着,等下一个落日平静地降临。它
平静地降临,在运矿石的铁驳船的后面,年复一年
眼睁睁地看着我们垮了。我们开始谈到了结局:
谁?第一个随它葬到江底;谁坚守到最后,孤零零地
一个,在江堤上。屠宰厂的后门改做了前门
而我们赞颂流逝的词,再也不敢说出了。
只默默地斟饮,看薄暮的蝙蝠翻飞
等着它把我们彻底地抹去。一个也不剩


the blue bat


those years we tattooed blue dragon, blue bat on our breast, drinking  
all day and night. came to the river bank at the back door of the butcher house,
looking at the dead drunk setting sun.
the river water was so vast, as muddy as rust, giving our heart a good shake,
the evening lights spreaded on the water,
like the strong oil on the painting named "the locking sack".
go to hell, the flowing water; go to hell, the regular order of the world.
we drinking, fighting, waiting for the sun of the next day to set again quietly. and it
set quietly, behind the iron lighters loading the ores, years and years had passed,   
it watched us collapse one by one. we came to talk about the end:
who was the first to sink to the bottom of the river with it
and who was the last to stay in this world, all alone, just him, remained on the bank.
the back door of the butcher house was fixed to be the front gate,
and we no longer dared to say any high-sounding words about the flying and fading time.
now we just sipping at the wine silently, looking at the bat hover in the dusk
until it displaced us completely. and finally none was left.   



belliwether 翻译
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 楼主| 发表于 2007-8-14 23:48 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 云垂天 于 2007-8-13 08:13 发表
《大海,有一页警句》
文/开心老汉

我惊讶于阳光的潜水术
数亿年之前,他已探访神秘的海沟
遗落一本诗集,在海底闪烁

鱼儿的纪律,从鳃的缝隙爬出
风推云让的美景,飘挂于珊瑚丛里
让世博会的预感,静 ...

挖掘成功,该作品已经操作精华,奖云垂天1000,祝贺
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发表于 2007-8-15 10:10 | 显示全部楼层
银子到手,谢过天子!呵呵
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发表于 2007-8-15 10:22 | 显示全部楼层
支持:)
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发表于 2007-8-17 08:18 | 显示全部楼层
这个挺好的,抽空一定支持。
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发表于 2007-8-17 15:27 | 显示全部楼层
进来看看。
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发表于 2007-8-17 16:51 | 显示全部楼层
《街上,有一群得病的信徒》

文/开心老汉

他把月光塞入皮夹
拉上拉链,月光就开始叫春
香草失血,胎儿牙痛
木门,揣摩着不治自愈的伤痕

所有的影子都跑去山的对面了
啤酒,冒出一杯虚幻的承诺
谁又把游泳的姿势忘了
患沙眼的老乡,依然强健如牛

街上的信徒,衣着鲜亮
衣袖如同一片流动的麦香
他们无法预测头顶乖戾多变的星云
脚后跟,只拖一条阳光的毒刺

顺着求佛的视角上升,善男信女
偶见三千年一开的优昙婆罗花
让灵魂之蚌,闪动成火
佛说,你打开的身体
已经失盐太久

评语:纷繁跳荡的意象铺张,有内在的紧密性,步步暗示,层次力度,引起共鸣。推荐!
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发表于 2007-8-23 11:35 | 显示全部楼层
好动作:)有空好好支持一下:)
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